Monday, March 4, 2013

My book, feedback appreciated.

Well I am at it again. I have decided to pick up on my book that I've been neglecting since the move. I finally pushed past chapter 9, with a help from my friends (Thanks CJ and Becky).

I wanted to post the prologue here. I am in the writing stages but I have set a 'finish deadline' of October of 2013. I haven't decided if I will self publish or send it off to the 'massive' publishers.

This book is called Cascade and it is about a girl who falls in love with an Indian legend. My genre is fantasy and it is a Young Adult book.

I am looking for feedback. Do you hate it, love it...indifferent? Needs more..this or that. I'm just curious because I have posted it on several writing websites so I know how they feel...but I don't know how 'google/pinterest/twitter' readers feel. So let me know.

Autumn Daily All rights reserved
Copyright 2013

You can not duplicate or republish any parts of this without the author's permission.


         Kai Reed gently inserted the needle into the girl’s arm and pushed the black liquid into her. He wiped away the tear that slid below her speckled, blue eye. 
“Don’t cry, honey, this will help the fever,” Kai swallowed. He despised seeing so much suffering in his people, especially the children. 
“Will this make the demons go away?” the child questioned, as Kai laid a cool, wet towel on her reddened, sweaty face.
“Yes, dear, you will be able to sleep again.” He remembered his own horrible nightmares. That was one of the symptoms, lack of sleep and beyond terrifying dreams. She was a week into the illness, with cough and fever. The little girl’s temperature climbed to 119 degrees. A fever of that size killed humans but water babies could go to 130 degrees unharmed. Her water gene continued to work overtime trying to cool her body, resulting in fatigue. He picked up the lifeless child and carried her back out into the waiting room to rejoin her mother. 
The mother, who looked extremely fatigued herself, took her daughter into her arms. Kai gave the mother a shot two weeks ago but he still saw the plague’s effects. 
“Kai, please thank your mother for her skills in finding the cure,” her voice trailed off as Kai patted the child’s arm. 
“Everything will be ok. We’ll make it through this.” 
Kai thoughts lingered on his mother, the biologist. He was super relieved she had found the cure for the plague in time. If her and her team hadn’t discovered something to eradicate the plague, their kind might not exist anymore.
Kai thanked the woman and gave her instructions. He spent the last two weeks, injecting the black syrup into water people with symptoms of the black plague. Three-quarters of the population caught the disease in less than a month. Thousands of people died. It had been a struggle to keep everyone alive. Kai had traveled back to earth and brought back many species of plants, hoping that one worked. It was the black root of earth that had cured them with a round of high potency antibiotics. They gave three doses to everyone, standard for water people. Fifty people came to the clinic before Kai left for home.
He was a volunteer to help aid with the vaccinations since the serum became available. During the night he assisted his father. They tried developing different strategies on preservation, warfare, and gaining leverage for the water people. He volunteered his services at the hospital until everyone received a dose of the syrup. By now the plague had reached three-fourth of the population. Kai had caught it. His mother had given him the doses but not before the nightmares had begun. They filled his mind with wicked dreams of black water and war. The images appeared amazingly real and upon awakening, the green around his iris’s swam in liquid form within the whites of his eyes. She insisted that the family stay together during this dark time. 
The infestation came from the well. They poisoned the water, spreading through vapors from the dry cough. The cough appeared along with fever and with that, came death. They knew their weaknesses. What was worse, the fire people remained immune to the disease. 
Kai washed his hands in the sink and looked at himself in the mirror. His black hair looked longer than usual, in a messy style that the girls liked. His green eyes looked tired with dark circles under them. He needed sleep tonight knowing his body did not like little rest. He grabbed his bag and walked home after the patients left. 
Ripley, their town, cast in darkness since the plague started since people wanted them dead. It was the beginning of a new chapter in the Otherworld. Every city housing water people were in lockdown. There was a strict curfew. Kai had a special pass, thanks to his father, so he continued to do work past curfew. But the streets weren’t the same. There used to be festivals and dances. The water people raised large families and held big celebrations. Now the street lights lay dormant at night. Housing construction became the biggest priority of every city. Every remodel and new construction required a thick layer of armor on the outside, to protect from fire. Many shelters around the town had gone up in case of an emergency. Water cities were uprising at an alarming rate but his family decided to stay in Ripley. They waited on their enemy to strike them to their demise. Peace talks were failing. War nipped at their ankles, depending on who threw the first punch. 
Something caught Kai’s eye behind him. He thought he saw his girlfriend, Amassona Ringer through the darkness. He hid within the shadows as the figure came up and passed. He could see her black hair and eyes in the moonlight under her full length cloak. She didn’t have a pass. Kai knew she shouldn’t be out past curfew. He decided to follow her.
She went in between several buildings, trying to move past guards without them knowing her presence. Kai, being trained in warfare followed silently with no detection. She moved to the edge of town, her pace quickening. 
His friends doubted her in every way possible. How dare they, since she was his heartstring mate? He couldn’t allow her to do something causing him to doubt their bond. He had to talk to her. He started to run and was near her when he noticed a voice that made him stop just short of revealing himself.
“Amassona,” said a man’s voice. Kai halted just short of being exposed. The voice came from a man dressed in black. He recognized this man as his father’s friend so Kai retreated so not to intrude upon their conversation. He respected Meris Rhodes. He waited in the shadows for her. She appeared to be reprimanded by Meris for she looked at her feet and he kept raising his finger to her nose then pointing at the air. He pulled out a letter and handed it to her. She tucked it inside of her cloak at her breast. He wanted to interrupt their conversation but he did likely not understand the nature of the exchange. 
Amassona and Meris finished their conversation and she turned back towards her home. He followed her several blocks so not to alarm her of him ease dropping upon her conversation with Meris. 
“Honey,” he said to get her attention.
She flinched and spun around to meet Kai’s eyes. She came up to him in a long embrace, which he took eagerly. 
“What are you doing out past this hour?” he said as soft as possible, watching her reaction.
“I delivered a baby,” she lied. 
Kai half expected it, he had caught her in so many lies. She searched his eyes. He pulled back into the shadows she was not able to see into his soul. 
“Baby delivery successful?” he inquired after collecting himself.
“Yes,” she murmured, “When will your father grant me the pass? He holds people ransom for those. I have to be with you or I will get fined for doing good.”
“I will talk to him,” he lied. He always wanted to believe her but she always used a lying tongue. He touched her black, silky hair and brought his lips close to hers. They shared a quick kiss. She tasted like honey.
“Hey, you two!” yelled a voice.
Kai reluctantly pulled away from her and turned to look towards the two guards, on their normal rounds. He turned into the piercing glow. 
“Kai, I am sorry to intrude,” the guard turned off his light, allowing the moonlight to illuminate them once more. 
“It’s ok, I am escorting Amassona home,” Kai said. 
They walked away from the guards, her arm finding its way through his. She looked good tonight. 
“I needed to talk to you anyways,” she cooed.
“What’s the matter?” 
“I found something of importance to you.” she retrieved a letter, handing it to him. He took the letter and opened it.
He scanned it, then reread it, eyebrows arching in surprise. 
“Why didn’t you show this to me earlier, where did you get this?”
“I had to deliver the baby,” she stated bluntly.
“This information is imperative and must be dealt with swiftly. I must meet my father.” He turned towards his house. Amassona touched his arm. 
“You need to go to the oracle,” she insisted.
“I will not travel to the oracle right now, this letter changes things and war could occur as early as tomorrow. My father must read this letter.”
“I will take it to him, Kai. You can visit her tonight and travel back to the Otherworld in a couple hours. You will know I am your heartstring mate. You could try in our relationship for once. I am tired of your friends not trusting me. I am aching because you are half in love,” she took his hand and laid it on her heart. He listened to the rhythm of her breathing, he felt her heartbeat through his fingertips.
She moved in towards him. 
“You need to do this for our love,” she begged.
“Amassona, I have to get this to my father,” he removed his hand, the guilt rushing over him.
“I will take this to your father. He will dispatch the warriors. There is time to complete each task but you must hurry. I will be waiting for you when you return,” his thoughts lingered on his relationship with Amassona. She always told him he was not invested in her. That she dragged him along. 
“Take the letter to my father,” he handed it back. She tucked it into her pocket.
“You have at least eight hours,” she insisted. 
“I will need one,” a smile creeped up into Amassona’s lips. He couldn’t tell in the shadows of its sincerity. 
“Kiss me, Kai,” she said. He kissed her quickly and pulled back. 
“Goodbye,” she turned without glancing back.
“See you later, Amassona.” He never said goodbye, it seemed to final.
Kai dissolved, materializing into water molecules. He traveled at the speed of light, hopping from one molecule to another. He moved through water vapor in the air, leaping through the water caves and arriving at the portal. He would have to travel to his home in the Otherworld to earth where the Oracle was being held. To skip over from the Otherworld to earth is very easy. He couldn’t cross back from earth to the Otherworld. Sometimes he made it, most of the passes he couldn’t. Earth confused him. He hoped this time he conjoured through without fail. 
He slipped out of the well on earth and went directly where they kept the oracle.
A woman, held trapped in a basement with illuminating bonds, hissed and clawed at the floor. The guard unlocked her door. He tried not to think of the destruction she would cause if freed. Or at least what he thought she might be capable of. The water people really didn’t know that much about her. Only the fire elementalists of the Otherworld told the water people her destiny was to destroy the Otherworld and she must be captured and destroyed. The water people captured her centuries ago. They tried conjuring her to the Otherworld so she could stand a fire elemental trial but getting her to earth failed multiple times. Only the people that captured her have long since died. So she sat, stuck on earth, until the water people knew what to do with her. The time past and the fire elementalists seemed to all together forget about her. Rumors came from the guards watching her that she could read the future but Kai didn’t know if she told the truth or twisted things to gain favor.
She listened to his approach, her growling came to a stop and she cocked her head to the side and stared at him. Her black skin dusty from laying on the dirt floor. She smiled revealing black, decayed teeth. A black tattoo circled her right eye. 
“You want to know heartstring mate’s name?” she said with broken dialect.
He shuddered knowing now she read his thoughts but wondered if she would tell him the truth.
“How can I trust you?”
“Because you is going to free me.”
He laughed out loud at the ridiculous thought.
“Remember I know of past and future. Like time your father put you as leader of secret military group.”
His eyes narrowed. She shouldn’t know that. That information is very secretive. 
“You have my attention, tell me what I want to know.”
“I know yous heartstring name though you not meet her where you expect.”
Amassona lied, they weren’t heartstring mates! She had said she traveled here to earth and talked with the oracle. He cursed himself for wanting to believe in their love. His thoughts fled to his father, the letter not reaching its intended recipient. His head began to throb as many scenarios flooded his mind, one negative thought after another. His heart rate started to double. He had to get home.
   “She of black water, she evil, she knew you would be trapped on earth so she sent you tonight, your letter never reach your father,” her head went back as if to look at something on the ceiling. 
Suddenly, Kai felt the water’s surface begin to glaze over the portal. His moments dwindled rapidly. If he traveled by water he might make it. Amassona’s identity remained a mystery. If the conjour failed, her full access to his father could result manipulating the battles. She insisted he had to come today and know his heartstring mate’s name before the opening closed to trap him on earth. She might have felt the coming storm, knowing her connection to snow ran deep in her water gene. She understood with him out of the way on earth until the spring, killing his entire family and manipulating the war slipped into her grasp. His family carried this war to fruition, the misery of the battles, whispered in his ear. 
“What is her name?” he said through clinched teeth.